Tuesday, February 07, 2006
There's just something about this whole College experience that I find very interesting. I mean, I'm swamped with work and God knows how much I'm trying, and I'm failing some subjects (check that, ONE subject BOTANY), but I still manage to keep this smile plastered on my face at the end of the day. Sometimes I wonder how long it'll take for me to feel the pressure mounting, when there will come a time that I won't have this grin smeared on my face at the end of the day.
I long to find my limit.
I challenge the world to give me its best shot. Maybe then I'll be pressed to give it mine. And this, I believe, is my flaw. It's easy to stay confident when you know there will be a lot more chances to make things better. It's easy to say that there will always be a tomorrow. It's easy to keep believing when there are lots of reasons to. It's easy to live when dying is not an option just yet. I need to find myself in that situation.
To do, or die. That is what I need. I need to cringe, shrink, and get humbled. I need to fall down and have a hard time getting back up. I need to fail. I need to cry and feel that the whole world is against me before I do something. Sadly, that is what I think I need. I need someone to send me crashing back down to earth. I feel too cocky. I need change. I want change. But I hate changing. That is the irony of my psyche. I can't accept change but I want to change.
Off to Math I go.
loved // Deens // 9:51:00 PM
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