Sunday, December 25, 2005
For all the people that are feeling the Christmas spirit in the air, there's no guarantee you will feel the same if you read this entry. So, read at your own risk.
I miss you terribly. You're probably the only way I can feel Christmas. There's no one here to talk to but my sister's iPod and my cellphone. This feeling sucks. I want to be happy, don't get me wrong. I'm not forcing myself to feel this way. There's just a void inside of me. Nothing's in the right place and all I want to do is talk to you to make myself feel better. I'm stuck reading cards, looking at pictures, anything to keep you alive inside of me. I MISS YOU.
Christmas will be extra special with you. I can't wait to spend holidays with you. I can't wait to be on an airplane with you. I'm so excited for the future it's waiting to burst inside of me. And I don't care if I have to wait for the rest of my life before we experience that, I will. I promise. I know it will happen. It's you. I know it is. I'm so sure I can't put it into words anymore. But of course I hope it will happen soon.
I'm being selfish, I know. I have to share you with the whole world. But it's not my fault if I want to keep you all to myself. You're that amazing. No one else will make me feel as special, or as handsome, as you. I can't believe it. I love you. And I'll go to great lengths to make you see that. The best is yet to come.
I know who I want to take me home.
loved // Deens // 6:55:00 PM
Saturday, December 24, 2005
It's been 2 weeks since I actually wrote something in this site of mine. I don't feel the internet addict in me anymore. But, there are just some things I've been bursting to write about ever since December started. A lot of things have been happening and I just can't keep up with anything anymore. Clearly, this isn't in line with the Christmas spirit but then again, I haven't really felt anything sort of like it (except for last night), so why bother thinking about it right? Anyway, on with my rant.
It's really sad how everything seems to fall apart at the so called happiest time of the year. All I've got to say about is, I hope people just be open and talk about it. There's nothing wrong with clearing the air. Okay, enough said.
I just helped my mom pack her annual prune cookie Christmas gifts, and I was so deep in thought. Why do people give gifts on Christmas day? And yet, people say everyday is Christmas day. Christmas is distorted I can't even understand why it's there in the first place. Of course, it's Christ's birthday, but no one seems to care about that anymore. Sure, there's Simbang Gabi, but most people go to that because there's a belief that you can make a wish if you complete it. That just goes to show no one really feels Christmas and everyone's just following a routine, mindlessly following whatever society's doing. Christmas has slowly deteriorated to a chance for profit, a chance for fame, and a chance to show the world how nice you are. It just makes me sick.
Call me the SCROOGE of Christmas, and I'd gladly bow in front of you and congratulate you for noticing. I don't feel it's Christmas. I don't feel the excitement and joy in the air. It's so hard to feel happiness and glee. This is probably the only time I've realized I'm alone this Christmas even though I've got my family with me. But, thankfully, last night happened. Dencio's with MK happened. Bonding with them happened. Laughing my heart out with Bear, Ner, Luis, Yumi, Raya, Jamie, Paeng, Mica, and all the people we saw along the way. Riding home with Ner and her sister happened. Getting a phone call from Jiza happened. Being with my best friends in the whole wide world happened. It was evident that the Christmas spirit flowed in me in those 4-5 hours in Power Plant. But as easily it flowed, it went out of my system at around midnight. And here I am, back to the drawing board, getting depressed, smiling like I mean it, being the happy, energetic, carefree personality I am outside. Everyone's so fucking happy I don't understand why. Nothing is in the air. It's just a normal day. It's just colder and I have to go to Mass every night. If I woke up tomorrow and no one told me it was Christmas, I wouldn't notice. But maybe it's just me. It's just a product of my pent-up emotions and of frustration for my lack of enthusiasm for life. This is no one's fault, don't worry. It's JUST ME. I hate it. I feel shitty and alone, even though I know people always make me feel better. And I don't want to feel this way anymore.
SOLUTION: Come back and spend the holidays with me. And go out with MK for 2 weeks until Christmas break ends.
But, both of which can't come true, so here I will end.
Merry Christmas.
loved // Deens // 12:16:00 PM
Monday, December 12, 2005
I was busy copying down notes in DRA VIVIAN S. TOLENTINO's (insert creepy sound effect here) class when suddenly, I leaned my head onto my hand.
BANG. And the rest is history. I was roused by a pinch by my seatmate (thankfully) before she noticed. Mind you, she was an inch apart from me, and all she had to do was look down to see the casualty of her very intellectually stimulating lecture. Maybe I'm being a bit hesitant here. VERY to the millionth power multiplied by a google of numbers.
So ends my first college classroom bedtime break story.
*BOW*
Speaking of "bowing", I auditioned for this play where our Literature teacher is heading. And, get this. I played the part of a gay sergeant. Clearly, God has His ways of turning me into His own masterpiece. :)
What have I gotten myself into? More mischief. More mishaps. More mistakes. More experiences. More shit.
MORE LIFE.
By the way, I thoroughly enjoyed Cat's debut. Small box, anyone? :)
loved // Deens // 10:15:00 PM
Sunday, December 04, 2005
I'll be making my return to the debut scene next Sunday. I can't wait. Sidenote aside, I haven't gotten ANY work done for the coming week. I have this reflection paper but I don't understand how you can reflect on the effects of methyl on coconut oil.
BOTA amPOTA.
I'm so worried about Biology 7, more commonly known as the subject from hell if your teacher is Dra. VIVIAN S. TOLENTINO, Mrs. major in plant morphology. Why didn't I go with Chemistry? Because I hated it. Zoology? Because I hate Zoology lab (don't ask). Physics? I got my chance to ace it last sem, but didn't. Environmental Science? 526 random number ko pare, paano ko makukuha yun? Which leads me back to Botany. Whattacycle.
In other news, I played Smackdown vs. Raw on the PS2 with my cousin. We played the Royal Rumble and he chose Eddie Guerrero. It just dawned on me that that was the only place we could ever see his 5 star frog splash again. We miss you Eddie.
loved // Deens // 8:23:00 AM
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