Sunday, October 30, 2005
Sometimes I feel that being too happy is a sin. I've been hearing (or reading) lots of sad stories lately and I try to empathize with them, but it just seems so hard because I haven't been really down in the dumps sad in the past months. I want to help. I want to cry with people. I want to ride the world of sadness because I don't think anyone deserves that. I want to make people feel as if they can tell me anything and I'll do my best to make sure everything's alright. I want to be there for you. Maybe there's just something about me that you don't like to confide in.
Sabagay, who am I to you naman diba.
I just want to say I miss it a lot. Maybe it's been a really long time since we've bonded, but I just want you to know (like I've told you a billion times) that I'm here and nothing's going to change that. I still remember the time you texted asking if we could talk because no one could understand/help but me. That was ages ago, but still it's stored in my present archive of memories. I cherish those moments. I live for those moments. I hold on to those moments because they make me feel alive. I want those moments back, but they're probably buried somewhere in your memory and never will be dug up.
I don't want to feel this way. I know it's normal for people not to confide in everyone, but still I linger in my thoughts as I hear the faint whispering when I'm around. I should be happy. I am happy. I just feel uneasy. I just feel left out.
But, I understand. I'll always be patient, don't you worry. When the time comes (if it ever does) and you need me, I'll come running. What are friends for.
What are friends for? What are friends for. What are friends for!
Emotional, yes. Confidential? VERY.
Off to Tagaytay.
loved // Deens // 8:39:00 AM
Saturday, October 29, 2005
I commuted again from Katipunan to the outer world called Manila, Vito Cruz to be exact. I'm getting to be more and more proficent in using the LRT/MRT. I'm quite proud of myself actually (babaw I know), because I don't think anyone in my family knows how to commute, except me. This also probably means that I'm the one who's the most "rebellious", if you know what I mean. I guess I've raised my street smarts up one level. But, now that I sit back and think about all of the rides I've gone through alone, I've realized that God always sends me angels whenever I go off to commute alone. He never fails to send me someone I know, or at least someone friendly to talk to whenever I board the LRT/MRT. Like yesterday, I saw my friend from La Salle boarding the exact same train I was going to Katipunan. I just feel really blessed to have little coincidences going my way every single time.
Maybe this is God's way of telling me I should follow my heart and not my brain more often. Because, He's in control.
I have so much time on my hands right now it's impossible to do anything. Ironic as it may seem, I'm sure you understand. Procrastination becomes your best friend once you're in this state. I bet I can just lie down and stare at the ceiling all day and not notice the darkness looming over me. But, that's unhealthy. So I don't do that. Instead I play with my PS2 and eat all day. A lot good that does. SOMEBODY SAVE ME.
My brain is in one of those frozen stages once again. I'm sure when I get back to school, it will be absent again for the first few days. Kailangan pa i-jumpstart kumbaga. :)
I miss you right now. Huwag ka na manood ng SKY-HIGH!
loved // Deens // 6:11:00 PM
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
I can't wait for school to start. I have go to get away from this laziness and nostalgia that I feel every single day. Maybe I'm not just used to it, but I can't find anything to do anymore. I need to find myself busy. It's funny how you usually get the nerd bug when you don't need it at all. Imagine, it's only been the first week of my break and already I'm craving for school work? Is this even me talking? Have I been transformed into a book dealing, knowledge craving, brain thirsting (KIDDING.) person?
Maybe it's time to recover the brain cells I lost in that last debut I went to.
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.
Let's have the time of our lives.
loved // Deens // 3:19:00 PM
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
For as long as I can remember, I've always been an avid runner. If you ask me, it's not really how long you run, or how fast you do it, but it's how willingly you do it. Walking was invented by God to help us navigate the world on a small scale. Flying was created to navigate the world in a much bigger scope. Running, on the other hand, is right smack in the middle of the two. It's the balancing factor between the small world and the enormous world out there. Running is so much more than lacing up shoes and jogging. Running is a form of escapism for me. I'm untouchable when I run. I control how fast I run and how long I run. I grasp the world at my fingertips when I don my Adidas shoes and take a brisk jog around my village.
Walking for a long time makes you want to run. Running makes you dream of a bigger tomorrow. Tomorrow, we FLY.
loved // Deens // 1:04:00 AM
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